Country High

I arrived at the hospital at 10:30 sharp. The nurses love it when family take their 'disturbed' patients on day outings. So, that was my cue..a day outing. Susan wasn't dressed. She was staring out the window and rocking in her chair. I told her I had a 'great day planned'. Picnic and the whole 'trail walk', 'feed the horses' and 'walk the dog'...dreamy, don't you think?

She was indifferent but I forced the outing. I told her, "you need fresh air, you need to get out of this place..this place...this place of stagnant air and ill people..you need TO GET OUT!"

So, she was game. She put on her new running shoes and put on her top (backwards, but I corrected that) and I helped her re-tie her running shoes and sign the 'OUT PATIENT' form so we could get on with our day. The DAY WITH DAUNTING OUTCOMES..would she prevail as the 'good patient' or succumb to 'the dark patient?'....again..CRAPSHOT.

I drove through the countryside telling her all about the baby lambs and goats. She just stared out the front window as if to say 'f-off'....I'm in my lost world ...don't try to make it PRETTY.

We got to my older sister's farm. I felt a sense of calm as I believed the horses , the family dog and my nephew would 'make it better'. We had a packed picnic lunch (thank-you Mom) and I had that bold attitude, "IT'S GOING TO BE A GOOD DAY." My nephew welcomed us and gave us free reign to 'be healthy and live healthy.' Ruby, a big tan dog, galloped up to us with her tail wagging and her indifference to Susan's mental health issues. She was , Ruby. Susan pet her and smiled. HOPE. We took her out to the trails and walked. Susan clapped her hands to get Ruby's attention. OH..MY GOD..A CLAP!! It was a good moment. She clapped her hands. Clapping is much better than sobbing.

Later, we sat and had our picnic lunch. She ate her meal with gusto and reached over to eat mine too. That was okay. EAT MY LUNCH..BE HAPPY...ENJOY YOUR OUTING. I was just thrilled to see her interacting with a dog, a horse, my lunch..anything..just BE HAPPY SUSAN...BE HAPPY.We left our picnic to feed the horses. With her 'hoodie' up, she fed the horses. She was not afraid to touch the soft muzzles of the boarding horses even though she normally 'feared' feeding such large animals. She connected. I felt like we had reached some 'break-through'.

Time was running out. The day was fading. I had to get her back to the Psych Ward before 5 P.M. She hugged Ruby with gusto. Susan walked back to the horses to touch their soft muzzles and tell them, 'they were pretty'. She was tranquil. When did I last see her like this?

We drove back along the country roads with the music from 'South Pacific' blaring. She loved the music and tapped her foot. The 'day outing' ended. It was good..it was a GOOD DAY..a rare but GOOD DAY. When I left the hospital I felt relieved. It was a GOOD DAY...why couldn't every day be a good day for my sister. Why?