INVASION OF THE 'CRITTERS'

THEY KNOW WHERE WE LIVE...THEY KNOW OUR HABITS...THEY KNOW ARE WEAKNESSES..THEY ARE 'THE CRITTERS'! I know, I know, most people are ashamed of the Seagull. The bird has gone from 'MIGHTY KITE SEAFARER' to garbage flockade. Yes, it's a sad turn of events but we MUST take responsibility for all the changes in nature. The mighty black bear is now your garbage pick-up at 2 a.m., the lone coyote has your dog's leash hanging from his wicked jaws of life and raccoons molest you as you walk home a tad tipsy in a neighborhood with wall to wall condos. I was walking out my door last month to smell my heavenly flowers *on-sale now at Home Depot!* when I got THE ALERT CALL from my condo-peep next door. SKUNK AT 10 o'clock, SKUNK at 10 o'clock. We all baton down the hatches, our cats peer from the windows and we await the next move of the MIGHTY, STRIPED, WADDLING STINK-BOMB. He's checking out the flower pots (a true BAMBI MOMENT) and trying to Braille your welcome mat with his digger-claws. After 1/2 an hour of holding our breath...he has vanished to the UNDERWORLD and may rise again at any time. KEEP TELEPHONES ON SPEED DIAL!

Then, with camera in hand, I go to where the gulls flock. Yes, they hang with the ducks. They are not a stupid bird. Gulls know that we break bread with the animals and quickly they snatch up WONDER BREAD before the dumber bird: THE DUCK, can get to it. Seagulls live to steal food. I sat at Granville Island's outdoor picnic area and saw a gull sweep down on a family and lift a mighty PEPPERONI PIZZA from their table. Screams followed (and it wasn't the kids). Bits of mozzarella fell from the sky and hunks of pepperoni slapped the sidewalks. It was over, the gull had won this battle. Never underestimate the strength of a gull. *do not take newborns to the park!*

Speaking of parks, the coyotes are likely the most clever of all. They are cagey outside the cage and know when you take your dog, Bitsy, for her nightly walk in an area where lawns sprawl and rich people get their pedigreed pets polished at 'Diva Dog'. But, this was to be Bitsy's last night widdling on the front lawn. In horror, the indulgent owner watched as the minute-mile coyote picked lil' Bitsy off the lawn and ran for the Queen E. hills. It is HORROR ON ELM STREET, but we have been warned time and time again ... do not let your Fifis and Fluffys out on their own. THERE WILL BE BLOOD.

And just because you know the skunks, gulls, coyotes and raccoons are 'out there' ready to invade your quality of life, the MIGHTY SNAIL moves in on your garden sucking the juice out of every bit of life you ever planted. Their slimy heads rise to the moon, they let out a slobbering howl as they munch on your newly planted leaf lettuce. If plants could scream the night would be full of fear and carnage. Never knew what hit you? They are uncanny, they know you're focused on the skunk, giving them 1/2 hour to 'off the head of lettuce'.

Should we rise from the ashes to destroy what WE, THE PEOPLE have created. We have tarmacked their land, stripped them of their natural prey, built on their homes and torn down their tree forts. Sure, we point the finger at the GULL and say, "YOU STOLE MY PEPPERONI PIZZA", the Black Bear, "YOU TRASHED MY CANS!", the coyote,"YOU MADE ME CRY!" and the mighty snail, "I WAS GOING ORGANIC UNTIL YOU CAME ALONG!!" I am here to say, with camera in hand...'WE ONLY HAVE OURSELVES TO BLAME'... we invited this INVASION OF THE CRITTERS...and yet they still pay the price. Shame on us! THEY WILL ADAPT and they WILL STRIKE AGAIN. *well, that felt very STEPHEN KING! :) *

*BEWARE THE LION KING OF ALL THE CRITTERS.....'THE SQUIRREL NEXT DOOR'. HE IS THE RULER OF ALL CRITTERS. HE KNOWS WHERE YOU KEEP YOUR NUTS and JEWELS!*