Singin' In the Rain

We all remember that scene in 'Risky Business' when Tom Cruise slides across the floor in his underwear and business shirt singing into a fake microphone. It's classic. It's what you do when YOU'RE ALONE IN THE HOUSE AND YOUR PARENTS ARE OUT! I didn't do anything as hip as that but I did do Gene Kelly's 'UMBRELLA SCENE' from Singing in the Rain. I even jumped up on sofas and chairs and wore one of my father's fedoras. I thought I was amazing. BROADWAY HERE I COME!

Then, I realized, I just wanted to play with the umbrella. It was that whole 'twirl thing' you do. There's something magical about umbrellas...just ask Mary Poppins or the people on the high wire. How many times have you seen umbrellas used in music videos, stage plays and at the Circus? They are hip accessories, not unlike the cane or a stripper pole. Don't leave your umbrella in the closet for a rainy day... take it out and get jiggy!

Then there is that status thing. Businessmen think they're 'that much better' strutting down the street with their 'only black' umbrellas tucked under their arm with briefcase 'just so', or it's up in a slight drizzle to keep their brand name suits spotless for the boss. I just want a huge gust of wind to come up and that perfect black umbrella to flip inside-out and fly out of their hands to tumbleweed down a busy street and get flat-lined by a trolley. I know, that's unkind but my mind wanders at times!

There are standard large patio umbrellas that seem to come in three colours only but I prefer those beach parasols (sol means SUN .... bet some of you didn't now that!) Back to the beach. I love the stripes and funky colours and shapes. There is something romantic about beach umbrellas. Couples can have their privacy, families put on their picnics and lone people can sit with a glass of wine and watch the sunset. It's all contagious until a gust of wind blows and about 12 large, colourful parasols skip down the beach with half-naked adults trying to control them. Yes, the wind is the enemy of the UMBRELLA.

There are classic inventions when it comes to umbrellas. I've seen the ones that come with attached beer holders and straws...tacky, but serves a purpose on a hot day. Then there is the head umbrella...great for watching parades or short pit-stops in a heat-wave. Also, 'THE ADVERTISING UMBRELLA'. We all have them at our work places. I got one for surviving my job ten years. Some are too 'wordy', but others are actually rather nice.

I like Umbrella stores! 'Raining Cats and Dogs', Picasso paintings, lightening bolts and then those 'clear bubble umbrellas' that cover you right down to the shoulders. Personally, they make me claustrophobic.

Umbrella wars. That's an unspoken rivalry on busy streets in the city. I've been in them..they're not pretty! It's a dodge 'the spike' and save your eyeball affair. You feel Umbrella Rage surfacing and for the wee people of the world it's downright dangerous. I am quite tall so I just do the 'pop and lift' move usually avoiding any scarring or potty words. NOTE TO HUMANS ON BUSY STREETS ON RAINY DAYS: "Don't bring your golf-cart umbrellas onto public streets!"

Umbrellas also known as parasols, the brolly, rainshade, gamp and bumbershoot (who came up with that one?) has it's place in history too. We've all seen Cleopatra and her fan boys. They have 'the original umbrella' made of palm leaves over the young Queen's head. It's all fanfare. Even the Pope is on par with Cleopatra. Are the Catholics afraid a seagull will become a terrorist and aim for that HUGE and very ugly hat he wears?

I love the paper umbrellas the Asians use on sunny days. Decorative large versions of our cocktail umbrellas in our Chi Chi drinks. Once I actually saw a little Asian woman on her daily walk with her paper parasol up...then, a HUGE DARK CLOUD EMERGED and rain poured down. She was literally left with 'a skeleton' over her head. Water trumps Paper!

I have about 6 umbrellas or is it 10? I'm not sure!..they just accumulate. We ALL DO THIS...we put them away, forget about them, realize we should have taken one 'on a wet day' and buy another one. I tend to go for basic black but I'm branching out to two-toned and I may even get funky and buy a designer because men are becoming more metro-sexual every day.

Do I still perform my Gene Kelly dance in the rain? SURE! I'm just fun at the end of a curved stick!