Hair Apparent

I want to break out into the Jesus Christ Song, 'Long Beautiful Hair....Shining, Glowing, .....hair down to here, HAIR, hair down to there, HAIR...! and, so on. I was at a FESTIVE event the other day and instead of going to watch the live band play I chose to walk behind the crowds and STARE at HAIR! When I was in school (and, oh yes, here I go again), there were only blonds, brunettes, redheads and anyone with black hair was Asian. That's the way it was. No colours from the crayola box or hair twisted into crow rows or chopsticks flying through tight buns. What was 'cool' was whatever was 'in' at the time and usually that was NOTHING for women but men had some strict guidelines.

I went through the 'let it hang' phase. Young enough to just let your baby bangs fall over your face. Then it was right into the MILITARY, with the all popular 'CREW CUT' which proudly showed off your unsightly cow-lick. Then it was the 'bowl cut' which was REALLY UGLY but saved housewives about 6 bucks a week and left us with the 3 stooges look. Then, it was all out 'let it go' times when men and women had hair the same length and finally we creep our way up to METRO-SEXUAL with a dozen hair products and abusive use of hair colouring. Some men went the 'shaved head' route which was much more sensible but a lot of women didn't appreciate it! Also, it's so GANGSTER looking.

When I was a kid (which I still think I am), I used to go through my parents drawers and cupboards all the time. Most kids only did this before Christmas but I made it my mission to check monthly. I thought it was traditional for children to do this until I got caught. BUT, prior to that I discovered my mother's first wigs! OMG, they were so very ugly. She had these two polyester things with built in head-bands. YUP, it's true! My mother has naturally beautiful red hair and looks like Rita Hayworth..so, why would she put a dead possum with a sweat band on her head? IT WAS THE IN THING TO DO! One was brunette the other was some glossy Marilyn Monroe colour which I don't think is in the Crayola Box. I tried them on and made a few monster faces in the mirror then shoved them back into the drawer hoping she'd never wear them again.

Later in life the whole Goth thing became radical. Half the women I knew were dying there hair BLACK to go with their torn stockings, the ring in their nose and heavy army boots. NOT THE MY FAIR LADY LOOK but, they were the woman you stayed away from!

I really did hate that whole PUFFY V.O. '5' look. Doris Day comes to mind and also, yes, my mother. She put half a can in her hair every day. I was slowly being killed: think second hand smoke, from the fumes. BUT, one day .... I think it was her 35th birthday, she leaned over her cake to blow the candles out and the only thing that BLEW was her hair. It went up like an Olympic Torch! We did everything but use the icing to put her out. I think she toned it down after that because my coughing fits ended.

Streaking your hair was also popular but we kept to soft colours that appeared natural. LIKE YOU THINK PEOPLE DON'T NOTICE BUT WAKE-UP AMERICA , they do! I did it. I put blond streaks in my mousy brown hair and , looking back at photos, I look like some kind of pound cake done with two batters. Not good.

The Mohawk is still an on/off thing. Men and women do the MOHAWK. I don't really get it myself? Spiking the Mohawk, buzz-cut Mohawks, curled Mohawks...I just think they look freakish. Could you imagine having your child take their parents to 'parent/teacher' night and the well-groomed teacher is presented with two parents with raging, spiked MOHAWKS? Would you DARE TELL THEM THEIR CHILD IS FAILING IN EVERY SUBJECT??

I guess I'm too traditional. I do like pony-tails, coiled hair, well manicured corn rows and just 'let it fly like a Clairol commercial' hair, especially for women. I know they have about 20 products in their hair. I can live with that as it's not coming out of my wallet!

When all is said and done with preening, primping, curling, matting, braiding, colouring and buzz-sawing, I say, "BALD IS BEAUTIFUL!"