Thursday, July 29, 2010

Little Dog Syndrome

YES, I had to go there. Being a 'big n' tall' kind of guy I've met my share of small men. Yes, I said small. They often, like small dogs, make up for their size by escalating in the loud, in your face, don't mess with me 'attitude' department. We all know about the small dogs who choke 'almost' to death while being walked. You walk by them and most of them yap yap yap but you SMILE and give the owner that I FORGIVE YOU (not really) LOOK!
Perhaps I'm being too harsh? I don't think so. I'm blunt about doggy business and I've owned a small dog (dachshund) so I know the profile. Yes, there are lovely little canines who tremble behind their owners left ankle and those who just cave to fact they are never going to be a Great Dane. But, when all is said and done, some owners are compulsive about their 'babies'.
In the city we have dogs in purses, on shoulders, in the back of bicycles and even in baby carriages. I've seen these small dogs wearing designer clothes that are more expensive than mine and don't forget the rain boots and cap! I looked after two small Malti-poos (is that what they are really called?) about a month ago and had to dress them in rain gear for a quick pit-stop at a tree. It took me more time to arrange their evening wear than it took for them to crap publicly with the additional time of me bagging it and disposing of 'it'. It's pure insanity..but, I cave to the owner's obsession. Would we dress up a Great Dane? I don't think so.
There is a 'small dog park' just 2 blocks from my home. I kid you not! ONLY SMALL DOGS ALLOWED. I took my camera to that tiny spot where 9 owners and 9 pedigree pups ran around in circles neurotically undecided about who to play with. I started to take pictures and talk to the owners. They were all 'proud parents' and exchanged stories like parents do over their 2 year old. But, I have to say, these people were all very loving, kind, thoughtful and supportive of one another. If it's any relationship to owning a small dog I say, TOSS ALL GANG MEMBERS A CHIHUAHUA!!
My wiener dog lived to be nine years old. He had ONE EYE and ONE VENDETTA...'to humiliate all large dogs'. When we got our beautiful black Labrador, the wiener took over. He gorged down the puppy lab's meals, snapped at him and smirked when the lab was put in his kennel and the wiener got the comforter in the house. What became of all of this? Psychological tragedy. Our Labrador became a ,'SMALL DOG HATER'.Yes, he did. He made it his object of puppyhood angst to go after any yappy dog or smaller dog that tried to take his toy or food. He was a would be 'small dog assassin'.
Living in the city it's very hard and I think a bit unkind to hold a large dog hostage. They need their arena to run free of walls and congestion. Small dogs are the option (or a cat if you don't mind 20 years of constant care). So, in our building we have about 10 small dogs and 3 large ones. I have never heard the large dogs bark but I hear the 'runts' yapping the minute they enter the lobby. The owner's tell them to 'be quiet', the little dogs tell the owners 'to suck it up!'
Back to that small dog park I go to. I took lots of pictures and later developed them and gave them away for free. The owners were in HEAVEN: "I'm going to frame it!!", "LOOK MIDGE, IT'S YOU..LOOK ..SWEET MIDGE!", "LET ME SEE YOURS!" I couldn't help but smile. Making people happy is my mission even if one small dog peed on my flip flops. I asked the Small Dog People 'how' they knew if a dog was small enough to enter their 'SMALL WORLD AFTER ALL'. One lady, decked out in bling and a huge hat, said she brings a measuring tap! Okay. So, what's the height arrangement? She boldly continues, "Well, 18 inches from the toe to the tip of the ear." And dog owners let her measure their dogs? OKAY! So it looks like the small dogs have the upper paw for now. They have the full wardrobe, the stage parenting, the best toys in the whole world and their own 'private playhouse' to hump, piddle and yap their way into the world of CANINE BLISS... It really makes me want to get a St. Bernard! * I WONDER IF CHAUNCEY IS ALLOWED IN THE SMALL DOG PARK?? LOOK AT THAT FACE?, and DOES HE NEED PAW I.D.? *
AND, I CANNOT TELL I LIE. I LOVED MY WEE WIENER DOG WITH ONE EYE. HE WAS NEUROTIC, FLAWED, YAPPY, AND SPOILT ROTTEN...BUT, I WOULDN'T HAVE TRADED HIM IN FOR A TRIP TO DISNEYLAND... HE WAS MY WEE BROTHER FROM GRADE ONE UP and will be FOREVER MISSED. HE'S YAPPING IN DOG HEAVEN WITH THE BEST OF THEM!

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